Bears in bars in Billings Montana
A bear walks into a bar and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings Montana."|
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings Montana".
The bear, very angry now, says "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bellicose belligerent bears in bars in Billings Montana."
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bellicose belligerent bears in bars in Billings Montana that are on drugs."
The bear says "I'm not on drugs".
The bartender says "You are now, that was a barbitchyouate".
It's tax season!
Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of "May Day!"?
Ever wonder why the IRS calls it Form 1040?
Because for every $50 that you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.
Our supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher.
Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."
A woman talks to a psychiatrist and says, "You've got to help me doctor, my husband thinks he's a racehorse! He neighs, sleeps on straw, and even eats grain!" "No problem," says the doctor. "I can heal him, but it's gonna be costly!" "Oh, money isn't an issue," says the disgruntled wife. "He's already won two races!"
A conversation heard at a local pub:
"Gee, Sam, wish you were here with me."
"But Tom, I am. Look see, I'm right in front of you."
"No you're not."
"Yes, I am."
"Can prove you're not. Bet you $5."
"You're not in New York City, are you?"
"And you're not in Montreal."
"Can't argue with you there."
"And you are definitely not in Paris."
"If you're not in New York City, Montreal or Paris, then you must be someplace else."
"Yea, that makes sense."
"Well, if you're someplace else, you can't be here. So pay up, let's have the $5."
"I'm not here."
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