"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."|
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Bloke goes to the vets to pick up his sick dog
The vet comes in with the dog and says: "I'm really sorry but I'm going to have to put your dog down"
The bloke is completely horrified and say with tears in his eyes: "WHY?"
The vet goes: "Because it's getting heavy!!"
HOW WOMEN ANNOY MEN....
1. Do not say what you mean. Ever.
A fellow and his wife in Muskogee, Oklahoma, where the people are all patriots, were blessed with the birth of twins, two identical girls. These twins were born on the 4th of July, and the father, being patriotic, said to his wife, "We will name them Liberty and Justice, after the pledge of alligence".
His wife said, "Are you nuts? You can't have girls going through life with names like Liberty and Justice. We are going to name them regular girl's names like Mary or Jane".
Well, the argument went on for about a month, when a compromise was reached. They would each name one of the girls. The man chose Liberty and the wife picked Elizabeth.
As the girls grew, they were so identical, they kept pulling tricks on people who couldn't tell them apart.
Finally, when they were about 18, a young man took interest in them. He would take one out on a date but he was never sure which one he was with.
He decided he would marry one of them, or both if he could get away with it, but he wasn't sure which one he would marry, if he could only get one.
He went to the girls father and explained his quandry. "I love your daughters and want to marry one of them, but I can't tell them apart, so I will leave it up to you. Give me Liberty or give me Beth".
A guy did system support in a law firm. One day, he had to log a user off and then back on. He entered her initials and then she gave me her password.
Her password was "genius".
After three tries and the system telling him "access denied," he asked her how to spell it.
She said, "G - E - N - I - O - U - S."